Unrequited
by Cho Koume
Summary: Goku's second love. Sweet but serious, even for the monkey. He tells his story of love, and loss. Goku X OC Please read and review, you wont be disappointed!


Disclaimer and warning:

I do not own Saiyuki, or the characters in the series, except for Koume, who I made up by myself. In this fanfiction, there will be serious themes coming from a usually not-serious character. If that freaks you out…. sorry, but DEAL WITH IT. XD Heck, ya might even like it! If so, don't hesitate to comment!

**Unrequited**

It just wasn't fair. It's never fair.

What do the others do that I don't? Why are we so different? Am I going about it the wrong way? They go about acting as if it's simple, like anyone can do it. Gojyo, especially, makes a point to rub it in our faces. Though Hakkai doesn't appear to mind, he, too, has had it. For the longest time, I thought only Sanzo understood how I felt, but ever since she joined up with us, that's changed. Why? What makes me so different, unimportant?

Why am I so unloved?

Sure, Hakkai has always been sweet and even generous with his cooking, Gojyo is good as an adult support when it really counts, as well as a punching bag, and Sanzo… well, he took me in, didn't he? He kept me by his side when no one else cared! But now that she's with us… I hate it!

Okay, I guess I can't completely say that. Lately, everyone's been nicer to me, and I rarely ever get hit anymore, but maybe I'm not used to that. I miss going to head with a headache, and yelling all day until my throat is sore, and yes, I even miss fighting over food in restaurants and having everyone look at us like we're lunatics. I liked that, because I was used to it, and I miss it. It's not like I blame Koume for things changin', but I just wasn't expecting one person to be so different from us, and yet alike and… beautiful.

I like her. I've liked her since I first saw her, and I'm not afraid to admit it. Well, maybe I am. I thought about telling someone when I first started feeling like this, but by the time I got the courage to do so, it was already too late. I'm jealous of them, Hakkai and Gojyo. Both of them have experienced love, and had it returned to them. Hell, Gojyo experiences that almost every night we stop in a new town! He brings some girl with too much make-up back to the inn and kicks me out until nearly morning. When he finally lets me back in, the whole room completely reeks, so bad I can hardly sleep. Though, I guess I can say I'm more envious of Hakkai. He had an actual lover, for more than one night, and from what I've heard, indirectly, it was romantic and beautiful.

It doesn't matter that the girl was his sister, it was love, anyway, and I envied it! They would spend every hour, every minute with each other, and they did this and that… things I dream about! Well… fantasize, now. You see, one day, out of the blue, we ran into Hakkai's daughter, Koume. She was beautiful with her log brown hair and eyes just like mine! They were a little redder, but still pretty.

In the beginning, when she had just started coming along with us, I noticed Gojyo checking her out a lot. At first, I just tried to mind my own business, but when you're sitting right next to a pretty girl for more than 2 days straight, your eyes start to wander. I wasn't sure what to do or where to look, so I watched Gojyo for a while. He looked up and down all the time, so I copied. She was very trim, probably hadn't eaten too well in quite some time! It made me feel bad for her. Every once in a while, I'll offer her an apple or some of my nikuman, and she'll smile at me and pat my head ever so gently. Then Gojyo would hit me and call me names. I think he liked Koume, too, but I wasn't thinking like he was, I hope. Gross.

I'm reminded of that nauseating smell that comes from Gojyo's room and mine whenever he has a girl in thee with him. It's like nothing I've ever had to deal with, and before, there was nothing I could do about it. Well, not until Koume came along. The first night like that rolled by, and I was sitting out in the hallway. It was colder than it should have been, and I was stupid not to bring a blanket. But just when I thought I would freeze to death, she was right there, peeking out her door at me. Her eyes were so calm and concerned, it warmed me up a little just to look at her. She was wearing her usual way-too-big beige shirt with black pants and I think it complimented her beauty just nicely.

She could have just stared at me, or gone back in her room and left me there, but she actually walked out into the cold hallway, shoeless and knelt down to check on me. She talked to me, asked me why I was out there on the floor, and even though I said I was fine, she still went the extra mile and comforted me. There was her hand on my cheek, checking my temperature, though raising it, also, and her other hand was stroking mine for comfort. Even after all that, she still smiled. She didn't yell at me for being stupid, or tell me off, and she certainly didn't need to, but she actually helped me to her feet… and let me share her bed with her. It wasn't a huge space to deal with, but somehow, there was more than enough room for me and her, together. I wasn't cold all the rest of the night, and in the morning, I couldn't have been happier. 'Specially since Koume gave Gojyo a smack in the head at breakfast for leaving me in the hall.

I think it was after that first night that I knew why it was that I liked her so much. It wasn't because she had a nice body- though she did- it was because she showed me kindness like nobody else had. When she smiled, the whole room lit up, and she would shower me with praise and encouragement and…. She was my girl.

At least in my mind.

For the longest time, I tried to believe that Koume was all mine and I wouldn't let anyone hurt her or yell at her. But Sanzo was just like that. She didn't seem to mind- in fact, she sometimes acted like she enjoyed his abuse. Why anyone would do that, I wasn't sure… until one day, it hit. She was in love with someone else. And not just anyone else, no… she was in love with the most alarming person, the one other guy in our group who I thought could understand me and sympathize with me…Sanzo. She loved Sanzo. My greatest hero, my savior, was also the one who stole the heart of the second girl I had ever loved. He murdered the first one, along with her sisters. Dung-wa… First he kills her, shoots her with his gun, and now, he's killed me by stealing my girl from right under my nose.

I was crushed, but never showed it at all on the outside. Perhaps this is only punishment for not telling her how I felt sooner. Though she loves another, she still treats me the very same. She has this sweet smile that's only for me; she ruffles my hair and laughs at my lame attempts at making a joke; she shares her food, even when she barely has enough for herself; she holds my hand whenever I'm feeling down, and doesn't leave me for even a moment; she still shares her bed when Gojyo kicks me out or when I have a bad dream. I know she's the same Koume, the same one I fell in love with, but… I don't know if she's mine anymore. Maybe she never was. I love her, but she doesn't love me. Is that okay?


End file.
